Fairy-Godparents
how do I believe in myself enough to make the thing that I want to make?
Dear Friends,
Thane took this photo of me at the New York Botanical Gardens yesterday, and I like this photo very much, but didn’t know what to do with it, so I am putting it here:
Some of you might remember a few months ago we started renting a space that we intend to turn into an art studio, and a place to potentially host workshops. Here is that space when we first moved in:
It was packed, floor to ceiling, with stuff. Between working our full-time day jobs and trying to spend as much time as possible with Lumi, our progress on the space has been slow. In the last 3 months we tidied up, painted the walls, and added a couch that folds out into a comfy bed for guests:
It has a kitchen and bathroom (not pictured) and opens up to our back garden. It isn’t an art studio yet, and I haven’t made much down there (unless you count a quick sketch of Lumi) but I still want to turn it into a space for nurturing creative energy, so it’s still in mid-metamorphosis.
Right now it’s just a really nice place to host all the friends and family who want to meet Lumi. This week my godmother and her sister are visiting us, which has been fantastic. It has been unbelievably challenging to become new parents thousands of miles away from our families. When I feel down about not having accomplished as much as I would have liked to have accomplished recently, I have to remind myself that I am doing the best I can with a little baby (who doesn’t sleep) to look after. I expect a lot from myself, and that can be hard sometimes. I hope to raise Lumi to be more gentle with herself than I was taught to be with myself.
Question for all godparents — what do you call your parents’ godparents? Grand-godmother didn’t seem to fit quite right, so I decided that they are Lumi’s Fairy-Godparents. They arrived a few days ago, showered us with gifts and groceries and a membership to the New York Botanical Gardens, and have boosted morale overall by being older and wiser and impossibly kind. Thank you Marilyn and Karen, for visiting us, and for adding so much joy and love to our lives.
One of their special gifts was a children’s book – Maybe: A Story about the Endless Potential in All of Us, written by Kobi Yamada and illustrated by Gabriella Barouch.
I used to consider myself an avid reader. I suppose I still am, except the reading list has changed. These days I’m reading lots and lots of picture books to my 5-month-old, and we read The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle and Richard Scarry’s I Am a Bunny at least twice a day. The thing that surprises me most about this change in literary consumption is that I haven’t grown tired (yet) of the voracious caterpillar, nor Nicholas the bunny, nor any of the other friends from board-books and picture books. I find it all inspiring and delightful.
For many years I’ve cherished a desire to write and illustrate a children’s book of my own. Now more than ever, I want to bring this dream to fruition, for Lumi especially, while she’s still young. There is a painting that hangs in our living room that Lumi likes to look at; she smiles whenever we place her in front of it.
I started this painting in Iceland in 2022, took a break from it, then finished it in 2024 at the Vashon Artist Residency when I was 6 months pregnant. I like to imagine that the creatures in it are gathered there to welcome in something special, or are opening up a portal, or are present to bear witness to a rare cosmic event.
Whenever Lumi gazes upon this painting with fascination, my ambition to make a children’s book intensifies, but I have so many questions. First and foremost, how do I find the time, or the wherewithal? (At this very moment I am sacrificing a few precious hours of sleep just to type this, adding to a 5-month sleep debt.) Then how do I get published? How do I find an editor and a literary agent? I’m totally new to all of this. If any tidings from the universe or any benevolent beings out there want to help me figure this out, I am all ears.
Most importantly, how do I believe in myself enough to make the thing that I want to make? I’m trying to take a leaf out of Lumi’s new book from her Fairy-Godparents: “You are the only you there ever has been or ever will be. You have so much to offer.”
That’s it for now. A scathing critique of Mother’s Day is coming soon.
Love,
Melanie
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♥
How do I purchase a print of that painting? ~ you are an amazing creator! Yes, be kind to yourself, as you would like to be to Lumi ~ This painting calms me down too ~ brings great peace and trust in the divine - are you offering prints? I love your letters, every one... believe in yourself enough!
Sweet Melanie- the feelings you are describing are so common in new mothers with few close family support. I had sever post partum depression after my second child. This will pass. It’s ok to feel down but you are doing amazing and I am so proud of you and Thane. Much love Wendy